Welcome back to the Utah State University Extension Education Highlights. I'm Wynter Varner, joined today by Extension Assistant Professor Jared Hawkins.
No one likes rejection. Being turned down or friend-zoned can damage our self confidence and the way we view our relationships with those around us. Low self-confidence can have detrimental effects, especially on the youth.
Do something, a website that attempts to raise awareness about various issues, wrote an article about some of these effects. This article contained a compilation of different studies.
One such study from 2014 reported that 44% of high school aged girls and 15% of high school aged boys were attempting to lose weight.
Another study reported that at least 70% of girls aged 15 to 17 avoid normal daily activities like attending school when they feel bad about their looks.
Another study found that 75% of girls with low self esteem reported engaging in negative activities like self harm, bullying, smoking, and drinking.
An article from the New York Times reported that 38% of boys in middle school and high school reported using protein supplements, and nearly 6% admitted to experimenting with steroids in 2014.
Improving self-confidence can enhance the experience of the youth, but it also can change the experiences of adults — like dating. Hawkins argues that working on our confidence can improve our relationships. Confidence can make us more attractive to other people and help end the rejection cycle.
Wynter Varner
Thank you for joining us today.
Jared Hawkins
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Wynter Varner
Why improve our confidence and not something else?
Jared Hawkins
Yeah, that's a great question. I think confidence is an important factor to consider working on, especially in dating relationships, because studies show that people rate others as more attractive when they seem confident.
Confidence can contribute to either positive or negative cycles of acceptance or rejection. So on the one hand, when we feel confident in ourselves, we are more likely to show interest in others. In turn, those people are more likely to feel drawn to us, and that experience reinforces our confidence.
On the other hand, if we feel anxious about being accepted, we are more likely to turn inward and protect ourselves, which comes across as less attractive. Then, feeling rejected reinforces our lack of confidence. That's why I say I think working on self-confidence is an important part of that cycle of acceptance or rejection.
Wynter Varner
What habits can we practice internally to improve our confidence?
Jared Hawkins
I would recommend first, investing in yourself, and secondly, investing in your social relationships.
Investing in yourself really depends on the person. It could be moving more, eating better, prioritizing sleep, going to therapy, redirecting negative self talk, or whatever helps you feel better about yourself. That way you don't feel as affected by the approval or disapproval of others.
Secondly, I say strengthen relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and social groups, because these people can provide a constant sense of identity amidst social transients. For example, if you have bad experiences in dating or other contexts that might affect your confidence, having these stable relationships can help buffer those experiences.
Wynter Varner
So how can we change our interactions with others to feel more confident socially?
Jared Hawkins
My biggest recommendation is to focus outward. In a lot of our social interactions, especially dating, it can be easy to focus on questions like, "What do I need to do to be liked? How can I be more attractive? What can I do so that I can be accepted?"
So when we notice that's where our attention is, we can just gently redirect that focus to the other person. Instead, we think, "How can I show that person that I'm interested in them and that I care about them?"
What's interesting about that is that it ends up making us more likable anyway. People like when they're asked about and when they feel that we genuinely care about them. I think this simple redirection can boost our confidence, because it can help create one of those positive cycles.
Wynter Varner
Do you have any other resources that you'd like to share today?
Jared Hawkins
USU Extension has a lot of resources. They have a lot of free relationship classes all over Utah. So you can find these by finding Healthy Relationships Utah. They have online and in-person classes on happiness, dating, and family relationships.
We also have resources related to building self-confidence, especially for youth, and you can find those by searching for the USU Confidence Project.
Wynter Varner
What is the Confidence Project?
Jared Hawkins
The Confidence Project is a team of USU Extension faculty in multiple counties in Utah who come together to help, especially youth, but also adults, build their self-confidence.
It started out by recognizing that self-confidence, especially for youth, is a big need. Youth who have self-confidence tend to be more resilient and their mental health tends to be better, so we've developed some programs fostering that for them.
Wynter Varner
Thank you for sharing, and thank you for joining us today!
Jared Hawkins
Yeah, thank you.
Wynter Varner
This has been Wynter Varner on the USU Extension Education Highlights. Thank you for tuning in.
