Kerry Boone
The couple relationship in a step family is the newest and most vulnerable relationship in the family and really needs special attention. Couples are forming their relationship in the context of other existing relationships, for example, their partner, and may already have children who have a history and established relationships together. So it's especially important to nurture this new relationship.
Nick Porath
And what are some of the strategies you recommend to strengthen couples?
Kerry Boone
Most of the strategies we teach are based on decades of research and observation by Dr. John Gottman. I love this because they aren't hypothetical suggestions, but tools and strategies that are based on actual couples experience with research behind it, we look at some of the red flags or themes to avoid in a relationship, and tools for building a strong friendship as a foundation with healthy communication. The friendship piece is so important. We also talk about healthy ways to manage conflict. Conflict is present in every human relationship. So learning to communicate in healthy ways is key. We look at strategies for cooling off and letting our intense emotions subside before having difficult conversations and working through some of those conflicts and challenges.
Nick Porath
What are your favorite tools for strengthening couple relationships?
Kerry Boone
I would say John Gottman's First Principles for Making marriage or partnership work, which he refers to as enhancing your love maps. And this is really about knowing all about your partner, what movies, they like their favorite foods and preferences where they want to travel, as well as the more personal things like their fears and dreams, things that they worry about, or are excited about. So showing interest in your partner asking and listening as they share these parts of themselves, builds that connection and shows that you really care about them.
Nick Porath
Any final thoughts you have for the listeners regarding the couple relationships and step families?
Kerry Boone
I would just say it is one of the greatest investments you can make to step back and take some time to just evaluate your relationship. And our courses are such a great opportunity to do that and just walk through and add tools to your toolkit in in strengthening that relationship with your partner, because that is there's nothing greater in life than having a healthy relationship. So I highly recommend signing up for one of our courses at healthyrelationshipsutah.org
